Last year during National Infertility Awareness Week (#NIAW), I posted 5 Things I Want You to Know. This year, I'm revisiting those five things and also giving a bit of an update. I would love to hear from you, so make sure you blog back to me!
All throughout our adoption process people have said (even my OB/GYN) that as soon as we bring home our child, I'm probably going to get pregnant. I love hearing stories about this when it does happen, because it does sometimes. But, when someone says that to me, it's as if they're telling me that what I'm doing is second best, and when I get pregnant, I'll get first best.
I realize that is surely not anyone's intention, and I totally give people the benefit of the doubt, but what I'd rather hear is how excited you are that we are adopting, and that's all. Because that's what is happening. And while there are those awesome stories of people getting pregnant literally in county as they're about to bring home a child through adoption, that has not been our story. And that's perfectly okay with me, I love our story the way it is.
My little blessing of a baby is the very best in my life. She is God's gift to me, and I treasure her as such. I wouldn't trade her for anything. And if I would have had her biologically, she wouldn't be the baby that I have. And, what if I never get pregnant? Does that mean I only deserved second best and others deserve first best? Does that mean God loves other women more than they love me? Of course not.
If you know someone who has been called to adopt before, during, or after a battle with infertility, please don't tell them they'll probably get pregnant as soon as they adopt.
Now that we're over two years in to our journey through infertility and it's been 19 months since we adopted our daughter, people don't say this to me as often as they used to. But as we pray toward our next steps in building our family, it definitely prompts the likelihood for this comment to resurface if we decide to adopt again before we complete our Haiti adoption.
About 20 months ago when I went for my annual checkup, we'd been chosen to be Brighten's parents but we hadn't left for Houston yet. When I told my OB/GYN about our adoption she told me that she sees many women who adopt and then get pregnant right away. To be honest, that gave me a lot of hope. Like, a lot. I tried not to think about it to much, but as the months went by and that didn't end up being my story I couldn't really bring myself to go back to her. I'd been her patient for over a decade, but there was this underlying shame of my inability to get pregnant that I just couldn't face. I didn't want to answer her questions or get into the details with her.
Don't get me wrong, she's a fantastic doctor. But, after 10 years, I made the decision to switch hospitals and start seeing a new OB/GYN. I began a quest to find someone who I could start fresh with, who I could share my story with and who would get in the trenches with me where I'm at now, not where I was before or where they thought I could or should be.
Thankfully, I found that, and in less than a week I'll be seeing her clinic's infertility specialist. I'm eager to find out what's happening inside of my body, truthfully my former doctor didn't go very deep into why my body did or didn't do what it was "supposed" to. If I'm honest though, going to the infertility specialist makes all of this all the more real, and there are a lot of emotions I'm walking through right now.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that Brighten was 100% meant to be my child. She is feisty and independent and caring. She loves hard and plays hard. She does everything full out, from running to playing to sleeping. She's literally amazing in every way. She is God's first best for me. And this deep dive into what's happening and not happening in my body is truly mostly about making sure that I'm healthy for my husband and daughter. Obviously, I'd love to know if having a biological child is in the cards for us, but ultimately God had the final say on that.
If you know someone who is walking through a journey of infertility, waiting, or just a hard time in general, my best advice is to love them where they are and not make assumptions about their future. If you feel like something is truly from the Lord, maybe that's an exception when it comes to saying something out loud, but even that I would say it'd be better to just silently pray that over them. It's so hard when you hear something from someone you trust (like a close friend or doctor) and that thing doesn't happen. It can make a person feel like they're a failure and they've done something to cause that thing to not come to fruition. Trust me, I know the feeling all too well.
If you're someone who is walking through a season of waiting, whether that be adoption, infertility, foster care, singleness, sickness, anything and everything like that, pray for God to work in your life where you are now. You are right now living His first best for you, so don't buy into the lie that His first best is up ahead whenever "X" happens. If you're trusting Him and following after Him, you're not missing the mark, I promise.