For about six months I used to wake up promptly at 5:00 a.m., before the day began, before dawn. It's been almost five years since I was that newlywed living in a little, old apartment on a familiar side of town. I'd get up early, drag myself a quarter-mile down the hill to the paved neighborhood trail, and I'd walk. I'd also listen to sermons. And I'd pray.
Then we moved. We moved to an unfamiliar side of town that I'd longed to get to. We moved into a little, old house that I loved with every ounce of my being. I was now a newlywed, longing to reach into the threshold of motherhood, and I was a homeowner. It was everything I wanted. But I no longer had my walking trail, so 5:00 a.m. became 6:00 a.m. It didn't take long before 6:00 a.m. became the last possible minute to get to work on time. So long to the dawn, to the brink of daylight, to my morning alone time and my walking prayers.
I miss the dawns. They come and go sometimes depending on my random sleep habits. And for a few months last year I got up to work at the gym a few days a week for the 5:00 a.m. shift. But then came a baby, and even weirder sleep habits.
I think deep down I'm a morning person. I love the stillness and the newness. I love the promise that each day His mercies are new. It's the closest I've come to feeling the most at peace. It's when I do my best thinking, reading, and writing. It's the brink of a new day before it has begun. It's standing at the edge and seeing the possibilities of something different.
It's dawn in the Morales home now. A metaphorical dawn, certainly, but we can feel the energy of different and new.
It's scary here, standing at the edge peering out at the possibilities for something different. In a way, we are at peace. In other ways, we are anxious. We don't quite know how to be in this new place.
For the first time in almost four years, we are not in an adoption process. We hope that this is a short-lived season, but we have no idea what the Lord has in store for our family next. We are seeking wisdom and silence, and peace and prayers. We are fully emerged in parenthood, avoiding the what-ifs of what to do next. It's a confusing place to be, but simple in its own way. I thought I would hate it here, and while my heart is still tender at the mention of Ethiopia and adoption and Judah, I'm beginning to find joy in this new dawn.
It's dawn on my blog now, too. What should I write about now that we aren't in an adoption process any longer? Life. Motherhood. Quirky little things I discover. That's the plan at least.
When I began my blog six years ago, my goals was to keep ironing out my writing skills. For someone with a journalism degree, I found myself doing a lot of things other than writing, and I desperately needed to throw the words that swam around in my brown into something. So, like any good millennial, I started a blog.
My first blog, Ramble, didn't have much of a theme. It was literally just random ramblings that came to my mind. It was also read by approximately two people, so it all worked out. Once I got married, I became mrsblogbacktome on all of my social media accounts, so of course my blog followed suit. I wrote about newlywed life, buying our first home, traveling, and things of that nature. Then, we started the adoption process a year later and everything in our life shifted, including my blog. I became almost entirely adoption-focused as I wrote about our process and updates and used it as a way to sort of scrapbook the process and answer questions for myself and others. And now? I guess it's time to combine it all together.
I'm excited about this new season. Again, hopefully I will go back to talking about adoption as an active participant in a process someday, but we are letting the Lord lead us to that place in His time and His way. Until then, I'll be documenting life as a new mom, starting my own business, products I love, travel adventures we take, and of course the random rambling will make an appearance from time-to-time.
I hope you'll join me on this new, but familiar journey. It's always dawn somewhere, and I, for one, am enjoying chasing the daylight.