Dear Judah, You made me a mom

Dear Judah,

Sometimes I dream about opening my email. This is task that I do literally 500 times a day  and typically doesn't seem like that big of a deal. There will be a day, though, that it's the biggest deal of all. I dream of getting a call, being instructed to open my email, and then I dream of seeing your sweet face. 

Your dad and I have been waiting for a long time to meet you. We don't know who you are, where you are, or even if you're born yet, but we can't wait for all of these answers to unfold. 

A few days ago, we celebrated my third Mother's Day. Each year, Mother's Day gets harder because it represents a year that you're not home and all of our questions are still unanswered. 

In years past, I used to justify celebrating Mother's Day. I would tell people that I'm a waiting mom, or a mommy-to-be, or a wanna-be-mama. I felt self-conscience because I couldn't hold you or show them your sweet face. Over the last two and a half years, my love for you has grown deeper, wider, and more abundant that I could have ever imagined. The plans that God has for your life are so very unknown, but yet so very great.

We may be waiting for a lot of things, okay, basically everything, but there is nothing about my love that is waiting. So this Mother's Day I wore my title proud for you, because Judah, you made me a mommy.